one size fits all

lately i've come across numerous articles with headlines like this:

the cause of the moment
an epidemic
MMR to blame
shocking increase
is there hope?

these and other statements trivialize what so many families are experiencing with autism spectrum disorder. i would debate each one of those statements and someone else going through something similar (or not at all) could debate it from another point of view and so on and so on. there simply is no one answer, no one size fits all.

i spend much of my time reading books on the topic, talking with teachers, doctors, friends. in between all those words, labels, goals, fears, accomplishments here's what stands out. this is a world invisible to many. like a secret, undefined, endless land. there are many maps, but not all correspond to the trail you may be on. most of you have wandered into this land without knowing it. some of you stand at the border looking in. you might not recognize it, instead you might see what you think is a spoiled child or a pushover mom. the child in gym class who is having a tantrum and clinging to his mother's leg while the other children bounce with joy across the trampoline. the woman you think is over-parenting as she translates the world around her child so he can connect and live in the moment. you might witness the a child who immediately gets out of the sandbox as yours climbs in. the one who struggles to understand how to play with his peer, yet loves him with all his heart.

what you may not see is a child who musters up all his courage just to look you in the eye and remember the *lines* to say when you meet someone. the child who is trying so hard just to hold his body steady in the his chair, string beads and listen to your directions. the child who is overwhelmed by the all the sounds he hears as he enters the party, let alone understand what is being said to him. the one who likes to know everything that is coming. the one who is learning to self-regulate (take a deep breath in and blow it out...aka "i need to take a deep breath now mama!") and talk himself through all the *scary* situations he's learning about like...preschool, playgroup, gymnastics, swim lessons, hanging with friends, the school bus, dogs barking, kids running at a playground, any new place, any new person, any new situation. all this while the parent of this child is silently celebrating all the personal victories he has...like this one from yesterday..."G do you want to come to my house and play"

this no-mans land. there are so many variations of the supposed tell-tale signs. and quite frankly so many of the signs are so endearing, so lovely, you feel blessed to know a child who is fascinated with how things work, or letters and language. who remembers everything, (seriously everything) like which garden has the daffodils that will sprout soon based on walks from last year. or is tuned into all the small, precious and often missed details of life.

there is no one way to measure this disorder, this personality type. but i can tell you this is not a diagnosis du jour. see for yourself. this wonderful project has captured the essence of these beautiful children who make this experience of life, this world, so special.