my little dude, the one i consider to be the sweetest little soul, has discovered a new, not so sweet power…defiance. this new found power of his seems to be something only i am fortunate enough to witness. all others who spend their time with him report back that he was “so funny today” or “so loving”. he is fascinated with getting under my skin. his experiment of torment mama must be yielding many results, since i take the bait every time. i tell you i’ve been blindsided, i don’t see it coming, until it’s too late.
happily walking through the leaves, he picks one for me and lovingly says, “here you go mama…do you like it? "i do, i respond, "this is a great leaf." “can i hold it?” he inquires, "sure baby"…suddenly the innocent leaf is getting ripped to shreds while he victoriously announces that he broke my leaf…then making perfect eye contact, he asks, “mama are you sad? are you sad that i broke your leaf?” well at least he made good eye contact i think to myself...
getting him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, is proving to wear me down. the kid seems to have memorized all my moves and lines (which he repeats back to me verbatim, intonation, facial expression, hand gestures and all...lemme tell how NOT fun it is to see yourself in the body of a 4-year old...hmmm) and my skills are waning to the desperate level of weak threats…all of which he sees through and i have no desire to carry out. especially when I know he’s exhausted (as am i) from a night of falling asleep WAY too late and a morning of waking up MUCH too early. so today, both of us in need of nap, forgo it to convene in a city park to participate in a photo shoot by a local photographer who is hoping to heighten awareness and raise funds for autism through his work. he has started a portfolio and needed some more kids to complete his project. i was more than happy to participate, foolishly thinking it was perfect for my jovial little dude.
now for the most part i consider myself a pretty rockin’ mom…but today, when faced with a time limit to encourage a tired 4-year old (whose latest desire is to defy everything I say) to look at the photographer and smile, i was anything but rockin’. it was as if my parenting script had been ripped up into tiny pieces, blown out the window and i was holding all the measly remnants of it crumpled up in my hands. nothing came out right and nothing worked to melt the surly mood of this child who wavered between crying, whining, pouting, screaming and periodically smiling a forced squinty smile on command for the photographer. the sticky lollipop bribe in one hand was no match for this determined little dude. after our 15 minutes passed, the photographer kindly said he thinks he was able to get a few good shots...and we were sent on our way. well had he been going for the crabby look, he’d have gotten a ton of great shots!
within a millisecond, the little dude was skipping away… happy (triumphant) as he flashed me his warm smile and blinked his huge brown eyes my way, saying c’mon mama, lets play!
so not wanting to play anymore…
7 comments:
Sorry, but I'm laughing. Easy to do when I'm not the target.
this too will pass...
I hear you, I do.
I wish I were there to offer you some sort of support or a margarita; I know it's hard, going this alone, wondering what to do and not having assurance that it's the right thing.
You're loving him...and honestly, that is what matters most.
I remember reading about toddler defiance that the parent becomes a science project - the child is performing a systematic study of the parent's responses, experimenting with various stimuli and taking careful note of the results. It sounds like your son is taking that principle to the next level.
i'd be interested to see how the photos turn out that little punk!...little dude in these episodes sounds like so many little boys and girls i know around these parts,such a biatch of a time huh!
oh, i hear you. it's so hard sometimes. and there are few breaks, so little time to rejuvenate and be the mamas we want to be.
but you are a rocking mom, sister. always.
This is just so hard to believe! But I, too, had to laugh a little-- especially about the leaf-tearing episode. Evidently he isn't quite as concerned about your feelings anymore, which is actually a really good thing. :) Looking forward to exchanging ideas with you tonight...Sylvia is giving me a run for my money, too!
ahh, this is so, so familiar. he is testing you to see how far he can go. he wants reassurance that whatever he does, he'll still be loved.
they do get over that. they learn what they need to and move on.
i love how you wrote this one.
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