no cell service

recently i returned from 5 days in the mountains outside of kamloops, british columbia. sun peaks, a family retreat i've been going to for 3 years now. a hidden oasis. fantastic snow, the kind that piles up on your parked car and blows off in an instant as you begin to accelerate. sunny skies and cold (really COLD) mountain air.

a six hour journey with my little dude in tow. the two of us made our way out of the city, through miles and miles of back-country roads to cross out of the US and into Canada. singing together "gonna lay down my sword and shield down by the riverside, down by the riverside, down by the riverside...ain't gonna study war no more."

the joyful monologue of exclamations from the back seat, "OOOOOhhh there she is...there's the windmill...how many blades...six! yep six blades!" "oh mama LOOK, rAilroad croSSing...do you see the train? where is she? ummmm, maybe she is at the station, yeah maybe she's still there."

to his delight we spotted 3 different freight trains (even better that they were from some of his many train books), 5 windmills, and countless railroad crossings by the time we reached our destination, my brother's gorgeous log home. snow all around, freezing temperatures and no cell service (roaming charges = no cell for me!), a smile spreads across my face as i pull on my warm winter jacket. as i step out of the car, the 15 degree temperature shocks my dreary spirit...despite the crazy family dynamics, that are sure to ensue, it feels good to be so many miles from my home, work and the day-to-day.

oh how i love waking to dress in fleece and entrant. to wear ski boots instead of dress boots. to grab my skis instead of my laptop as i head out the door. i feel nostalgic as my heart remembers an earlier life of my years in sun valley...too bad my body doesn't i think as i make my way down the hill, first run of the day, first run of the season. i miss snow. i miss the mountains. i miss having both of these things just outside my doorstep.

in my typical form, i manage to leave one item behind, my cell phone charger. of course i only realize this just as i'm ready to crawl into bed, hours after our arrival back home. for 2 days my phone has been dead. upon this discovery i planned to immediately go buy a new charger the next day. but the uninterrupted morning proved to be peaceful and i opted to wait until i could connect with my brother for the exchange today.

so in total it's been 7 days, that i've had no phone. i know this doesn't mean much. it wasn't that long ago we didn't have cell phones, then once we did, they were considered to be for emergencies only, though now we often circle back if we leave it behind. and for me, it is my only phone line. yet something about the quiet, the lack of urgency i often feel when it rings or syncs to my email, was a relief.

the past week stirred things up within me. good things, bad things, things. most likely a combination of the company i kept (more on that in a follow up post) and the disconnect from my everyday life. i was desperate to leave town, to leave behind the weight of something indescribable that has been draining my energy, my spirit, my faith in the universe. i'm not a strong enough writer to share how powerful it was to leave my routine, which at times has me feeling like a ghost, just floating through this life with no real presence. i remain in an introverted, reflective space. this sorta cloudy weird space.

a dear family friend once said to me (as i ran back to retrieve my forgotten items from a visit) that when we leave things behind, it means we want to come back. she was right. it is true. i want to go back. not to sun peaks specifically, rather to that place in my heart, my soul. maybe i'm just not a city girl. the rush from one point to another, scheduling time to make connections. i prefer the frequent run-ins at the local grocery store or post office. the seasons, all 4 of them, not just the 2 we get here (rain and no rain). my heart is in the mountains. my spirit is at its best in a simpler, smaller, quieter place. for now, i must create that place out of this place...for now.