six years old

today is the day Ryder was born. my life has forever changed. amazing that someone who starts so small can create such big change. early this morning he crawls into bed with me. his dark eyes look at me with excitement. "mama, today i am six?" yes baby, today is the day you were born. i was just getting ready to fall asleep when you decided to give me a kick and say, i'm ready to come out now mama...i whisper the story of his arrival in his ear and he lays perfectly still in our early morning cozy snuggle. i breathe in his sweet silkiness. i savor these fleeting moments of yumminess that now seem to be getting shorter and shorter in duration. when the story ends, you smile that gorgeous grin and head downstairs, carrying a piece of my heart with you.

i'm watching you from up above as you walk around the living room. a lofted view of this lanky boy. in certain light i don't recognize him. when did he get so tall? where did the babyness go? periodically there is a glimpse of it. i want to grab it and somehow freeze it for all time.

six years have passed. who is speeding up time? i could still devour you with kisses as if you were brand new. the hugs you give still full of exuberance continually melt me down to my soul.

you are full of compassion, wonderment, wishes and smiles all the while making so many of my own wishes come true.

today i wish for you my love. for you to feel safe, strong, and cherished beyond any doubt. to know how much you mean to me, even in those times my words are too sharp. to know how i love all of you, every gorgeous, kind, grumpy, silly, sweet, sour part. to know all the magic you create. to know how incredibly precious you are to me. to know no matter what you will be ok. that mama will always be there. even when you can't see me. that we are forever connected beyond this physical world. and that there is no end to my love for you.

here's to you sweet sweet magical boy.

happy happy birthday ryder. i'm so glad you are here.