trapeze

this year has been full of unexpected things. some so lovely, others less so. swinging back and forth between ups and downs. a plan hatched in mexico, a proposal of hope and dreams. so much joy. reality suspended. then on the other side of the world a separation from hope and dreams when my brother returns after a life of 8 years in switzerland. leaving behind a house, a wife and a slew of confusion and unknowns.

out of hope and promise, fears can rise. though i'd gathered much courage from my past experiences, it's hard watching dreams break, promises fade. i feel my landscape shift. i misread energy. i lost my own source of *glowyness*. i lost sight of the vision of the life we whispered about in the late night hours. the one we've written out time and again. seeing many unknowns arise ignites my doubt. not sure what to do. yet the indecision nearly chokes me and a scared voice is all that comes spilling out. shouting.

life is messy. forging our path, we fall down. a lot. it doesn't matter how much we've learned, healed, grown. some of those falls leave a scar. change our lives. maybe that's the point of all the pain and the fear and the day-to-day shit. maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. it's what pushes us. maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up and continue into the unknown. breaking trail for whatever lies ahead.