finding grace

it's interesting to think about what we pass on to our little ones, beyond just the mannerisms or the same big brown eyes. it can become quite freaky in fact to raise a child and heal your own childhood hurts at the same time. finding ways to not energetically pass those things on. it's in this awareness that you begin to see the way energy works. the way we emit signals from our core that then vibrate out across the universe, get picked up and returned back to us. makes you want to be certain you really, truly way down deep are sending the message you want to receive. though my head knows what it wants, it doesn't work that way, rather turns out you get what you believe, no matter how far off that belief could be.

i've spent the last few weeks buried in words. wise words. breathing them in. hoping they will re-write some of mine. some have been hard to face.

when i look at my little dude, i overflow with love. watching him it is so clear how we arrive as this pure light, with this right to be loved and cherished. valued for exactly who we are. to be welcomed with open arms for simply being. then slowly, stories start building in our heads, pulling us away from our heart. experiences can begin to shape our identity.  i watch as he tries new things and struggles, i see his face fall, and wonder if his head is crafting a story. and when he tells me in his own manner that he's not good, or can't do something or clearly feels bad about himself, i am crushed. i embrace him and tell him it's just not so. though he may feel bad, he is NOT bad, he is just right. he is amazing. he is love. no matter what he does or how he feels, nothing can change his essence. so how is it that those words come so freely, i feel their truth deep within the depths of my heart as i whisper them in his tiny ear holding his sweetness close. how is it that i am so slow to see that those words are true for all of us? for me?

learning to believe i am not the details in my life. my experiences are not my identity. that underneath all the stories and messages that have made up my life to date, good or bad, they are not my true self. seeing now that we are each unique souls, traveling through this universe, so why trudge slowly in circles, why not soar instead? yeah shine and soar like a brilliant star. glowing from the core sounds so inviting to me.

these first steps leave me feeling shaky. yet here i go. off to begin the journey out of my head and back to my heart. along the way i must travel through the tangled brush of anger and resent, clearing the way to spend some time in the land of fear. spending time there is OK. i'm learning to value it as a quality that helps us transform. trying to see that if i hang on too tightly, these things can become an obstacle. but by loosening my grip, they may actually point the way to liberation and clear the path to reveal the way back home.