Friend, our closeness is this:
Anywhere you put your foot, feel me
In the firmness under you
How is it with this love,
I see your world, not you
-RUMI
see my world. the world of a women who is working hard, steadfast, strong.....and scared. a woman who can vacillate between feeling exhilarated and exhausted, optimistic and doubtful. my world, though real, is not the complete picture. it doesn’t define me, rather it refines me. something in this course of single motherhood has invoked an unknown capacity to let go and believe.
gratitude. it is deep and forever imprinted my soul. gratitude for what I have and what I don’t. this could be attributed to the experience of going through the game of mystery and pretense, only to finally uncover the truth, in someone else and more importantly, myself. a slow evolution that was suddenly reality. for those who haven’t taken the bumpy ride to self, this inner-strength seems to maintain this solo trek. a woman who knows who she is and what she wants. a women you’d think men would appreciate (since so many claim to seek these traits that would allow them to be absolved of insincerity…playing games). yet, despite those coveted strengths, fear-evoking words also accompany this woman...single mother.
a single mother is tougher than your average woman. she’s gotta be…this woman is busy. she’s got work to do, both in an office and at home. she’s got puddles to splash, new business to win, books to read, letters to teach, trash to take out, pitches to prepare, songs to sing, drains to fix, tummies to tickle, a mind to feed….. and therein lies the hurdle for many a man. this type of woman requires….a man. and somehow this is just too damn much to hope for. the wake of responsibility, commitment and the preconceived (inaccurate) notion that this woman is only a mama, looking for a daddy seems to keep men on the outside of me, only seeing my world, the surface. well fuck ‘em I say….seriously…they will never know the reward to dating a single mother. they just passed up what could be the most real, accepting and loving woman they may ever meet.
8 comments:
Indeed. I have an idea of what they are missing and it's a lot. I think of it as there is someone out there who will see it, who will also be worth the wait. Don't give up hope, he exists and will appear when you least expect him.
Whoa, B, this post has given me a lot to think about. "Gratitude for what I have, and what I do not." I love that line. I know there's a back-story to this post, and I'm looking forward to hearing it.
You consistently amaze me, strong, strong Mama.
i loved the Rumi poem. and i love gratitude. being thankful and conscious for what we have. and yes, what we do not.
Oh, God, I hear you.
Someone close to me told me that one of our mutual friends figured I was looking for someone "to take care of me."
Hi, that person would be me.
And the Rumi thing? Um, I love you. My worn and torn bookmark reads:
In between the idea of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
That Rumi is a smart, smart person. Much smarter than the one that uses the label "single mom" as a negative; unable to see it for the awesomeness that it is.
I'm with you. All the way.
and as we've talked about its hard to meet the "right" people given all that is on your plate but Sieber is right don't give up hope he's just around the corner perhaps quite literally :)
this is a blog from a women, with comments from other women. from a guy's perpsective (i'll refrain from lableling myself "man or boy"), the funny thing is I'm not sure there are many "men" out there that are single, looking for "women", ready for what you ask. maybe, i'm just guessing, the pool isn't too large to chose from. see i believe a "man" is something a "women" shapes. and if they are not ready for shaping, they are still "boys". i guess my point is that we never find what we are looking for, but in the end it's usually exactly what we needed, what found us. this "man" might need a stone chisel at first...
what a great post. you are such a strong person. amazing, resilient, and seemingly at your best even though you probably don't see things in that light.
it's true about finding what you've been looking for only when you stop trying...I can name a few examples of that happening to me. I also know how frustrating it can be to hear someone tell you that...heh.
little dude is lucky to have you. some big hunky dude will be lucky some day too. he's out there.
Love the post, Bgirl. And I agree with what "sieber w/ a smile" says in the first comment. I don't necessarily agree 100% with that guy Moliver says, though. I myself took many years to be "ready" for a true relationship. I have had friends do the same. Everyone knows boys/men are slower to mature than girls/women. Some take a realllllllllly long time. It took me 30 years. Thank goodness women are so patient.
Anyway, there are good men out there waiting to meet you. You'll see.....
Post a Comment