where did they go? been a long time.
now our words just spill out, some evaporate, others leave a mark.
i'm trying to figure out how to remain flowing and dynamic when there are so many unknowns? treading water. feels like we are just treading water, wanting to make our next move, but not knowing where to go. so we continue to tread with our heads above the water. balancing thoughts of a move, interim or solid? what school will we get for the little dude? how will we work? how will we flourish? how will we grow? and when will we go, i mean really go...off the grid?
problem is, it's much easier to swim than tread.
i'm tired of keeping the house immaculate for potential viewings. living under a listing is the worst. as i move within the sterile, staged environment its emptiness seeps into my spirit, leaves me feeling uninspired, distant, from you, from me, and from the planet we aspire to create. tired of feeling like it's too complicated, or there is too much to track, to work on, to change, to contribute.
where did the effortlessness go? the dreaming? the believing? how do circumstances steal those core values?
a year ago we were saying goodbye as you set off on your journey.
we are on a journey today too, wonder where we will end up. maybe the location is not important. being there side by side, hands clasped, perhaps that is what's most important.
2 comments:
I think the location isn't important, but I hear what you're saying about living in a semi-sterile "showing" environment can suck the life right out of you. Also, I'm not good at treading water, I so prefer to be swimming, even if I'm heading in the total wrong direction.
One of the most important things you can do when you are treading water is to learn to inflate your lungs and lean back and rest. Take that time to look up at the stars and reflect.
Love you.
P.S. I wish I was there to help you with the showing. I remember well how that was and it's really hard with a small person about. But I am sure your place looks gorgeous. We made a map of all of the cool places in our hood to demonstrate why living where we did rocked (of course, I couldn't put your picture on it, but would have if I could have...) and did a few things for the open houses that spelled "home" for the people coming through. Email me offline if you want to. These are things your realtor doesn't do but help a LOT, I think.
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