the climb

so it turns out, the universe did hear my call and it sent back this message...return to center.

a message so clear. perhaps when things get so hard it's really that we are just separated from our center, our balanced state. my frequency was jammed, emitting only partial pieces out, annoying really, like static on the radio. here i thought i'd been sending a call out, when actually a call was coming in. note to self, if trying to fix or help those i love when uninvited STOP! a resounding stop where you are and go home should be ringing in my ears. and here is the kicker - self, if you wonder what that ringing is, stop what you are doing and tune in.

hard to tune in when you are floating, rather floundering. banging at a door that has been closed. the louder you knock the more certain you can be they won't answer. there is no choice but to back away, adjust the internal dial and be still. for some time i heard nothing. yet in silence there is truth and an uneasy feeling began to surface, letting me know there was more to what i wasn't hearing.

frequency is a funny thing. is it true that what we beam out from ourselves is what comes back to us in our environment?

the universe doesn't care about how your soul feels, whether or not you are in pain, hell no. rather it does have a plan which involves building a strong soul. one that can love free of attachments because with nothing you can still be love. a love that draws from the source, not from others, but from that universal life source that continually replenishes.

i fell off balance, and knew it, worse i didn't realign. constant movement, made it hard to know where to stand, which dream was the real dream. hopes, wishes, they can mask what really is. yet i'm beginning to suspect we can't hide from the universe that surrounds us, nor from our subconscious. who in this case was clearly tying up my direct dial to the universe! similar to drinking and dialing, i was tipsy and damn my frequency, sending off signals without my knowledge. calling in energy that will give me that painful, hard push back to a centered state. my head still hurts, it's spinning.

is this a pattern in my life? the universe sent my ex to remind me of what can happen when we abandon our true self. eventually i resurfaced. evidently there was a reward out for my return, it came in the form of this pure little being, the little dude. a bond so tightly woven you could cry. a love so strong it breaks my heart in zillions of tiny pieces and then rebuilds it 100x stronger, a spirit so bright i sometimes secretly look for shade, a bit of respite from the demands this unique being requires of me. and then this new soul the one i'd wished for arrives and i begin to feel free and believe. our souls made a promise to help each other grow and see where we've been. that promise can be painful. and as if we somehow knew it would be we created a planet that in order to reach, you must not have only traveled through pain, you must embrace pain.

and so it slowly crept in. seems that over time those cracks in the foundation that occur when things heat up then cool down, can crack wide open. what once felt invincible suddenly felt vulnerable and soon thereafter began my journey away from center.

and now, here it is, pain in all it's glory. we are in it, sitting inside a crevasse.

the path to our personal mt. everest will be filled with obstacles, blurred vision, cold feet on shaky ground, supports that fail. routes that suddenly look better than the one you're on. and still the mountain remains. does the desire to reach the top?