is life really whatever you choose for it to be?
because i swear i'm choosing love, happiness, hope, gratitude. i choose a life rich with new experiences, the occasional missteps, the safety to make mistakes, the environment to forgive and forget. a life that brings growth, compassion, friendship, true love. this is the life that lives in my heart as i am awake and in my head as i dream, yet somehow the frequency is jammed.
the universe is not hearing my wish.
the only signal being heard is one laden with criticism, demands, scripts, complaints, predictable obstacles that block what could be and instead weave a path to the door. i do not choose this struggle, the tally of failures, the entrapment of a tiny space, this heavy heart. yet this is how life feels, which is far from what i choose it to be.
signals are crossed.
so hear this universe. i am changing the station.
i choose the planet, our place to be shared. i want to forget why it is we are so unhappy, so mad, so so so so so.....i choose that love, you know, the one that blew us off our feet. the one that wants to stay up all night. to go to bed early. to wake up early. to be in peace. to balance a mood one of us shares.
i choose harmony, the blend of our voices because mine alone is far too hollow. i want to be in the band. create our own mystical symphony. revel in sounds that come from collaboration, sacrifice and believing.
how do we make more music when the strings break and the notes feel out of tune?
4 comments:
I hear you sweetie! The universe isn't listening to me either. Maybe we need to draw our own constellations and move to a new universe. One that feels our vibes.
Oh, bgirl, I hear this, you know I do. We need to walk soon and catch up.
I think sometimes I forget that it's not like that sweetness all the time, that more often it's flipped and I am longing for the good. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe things wouldn't seem so shitty if I kept track of the good. For every 100 goods, the 1 bad knocks me off my feet and invades my essence and then it escalates beyond any intention to keep it in check. Things always magnify for me and I think that I expect this life that I will never have. So I am trying to focus on how my perspective makes my partner react to me...just starting this, so I have no advice. But I hear you, sister, and am thinking of you. Bring it up from the roots, love to the sky. LOVE YOU!
fran - your words resonate deep and strike a personal chord for me. thank you for your honesty as it helps me with mine. a wonderful reminder about how we can subconsciously elicit responses in our partner when we are not focused on the many things that are good.
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