love and loss

once there were two women who never knew eachother.......

30 some years ago my mom lost the hope of having another baby, lost her wish of having another child, lost the possibility of having a little girl, when after having 2 kids, her body just couldn't sustain the life of another.

30 some years ago GR lost her hope of a life that looked different than the one she was suddenly living, lost her sense of personal freedom, her youth, the floaty mischievous feeling that young love and intimacy bring.

My mom recognized love can take many forms. one dream perished, leaving room for a new dream to be discovered. a disconnect can lead to a connection.
stepping toward the unknown, brought forth bravery.

GR realized that life can take unexpected turns and happiness can come from sadness, freedom can take many forms. the loss of an idea led to the meaning of existence.
stepping toward the unknown, brought forth bravery.

GR created love out of her loss. My mom created love out of her loss. one woman with her body, the other woman with her heart. two different lives shaped to make mine one.

the time came for GR to let go.....let go.....let me go.....
though life has come full circle and I am so fortunate to know (and love) her as a friend and a mother. i will never know the depths of fear, love and loss, or the tremendous amount of courage it took for her to let me live -- to truly embody -- unconditional love. she let me go, but not without her strength, her spirit, her courage, her love. the universe carried me to my mom, but somehow held on to an invisible thread....the thread that led us back to one another many years later.

my mom opened her arms to the universe and I arrived only to discovered I already had a home in her heart. she never cut the invisible thread that delivered me. and one day the central character in all my *i'm adopted* stories, was no longer a stranger. the time came for my mom to let go....let go.....let me go.
and so began the journey. I am fortunate to know (and love her) as a mother and a friend. i will never know the depths of fear, love and loss, or the tremendous amount of courage it took for her to let me live -- to truly embody -- unconditional love. she let me go, but not without her power, her wisdom, her bravery, her love.

i come from love and loss. it is in my dna. it was the world i grew up within. forever intertwined, forever imprinted on my soul. forever i will be grateful.

heredity? environment? which one am I a product of?
both.neither.just two different kinds of love.