the knowing

celebrate the birth of the sun
light the fire within us
dance and sing on Solstice night
blessing all divine nature

there is this indefinite amount of time and space one must walk through to reach "the knowing". the knowing of oneself, knowing another or simply knowing something to be true, right or good can be lengthy, elusive, deeply demanding and sometimes, desperate.

the evening of december 23rd proved to be a transformative celebration. i was invited to take part in a sacred winter solstice event. the journey began with a quiet drive through a heavy downpour to a place far south from home. making my final turn down a dirt road through the trees, i reach the exclusive destination. the land is extraordinary. dusk approaching i put on my rain gear and walk to the center of the heavily wooded land. there i find our hostess, a woman dressed in a long black raincoat, much needed on this wet wet night. there are a few who have arrived before me so i have the opportunity to hear the run-through of what will unfold as the evening progresses. as she stands before us describing the night, her blue eyes sparkle, her gray hair is shiny from the rain and the smoke of her sage stick burns strong through the wet air. watching her smudge the guests, my mind begins to quiet and i feel a surge of emotion rush through me. with wet eyes and an open heart i welcome the effectiveness of the sage as it silenced my heart and mind. steadily i bound the twigs and brush, my intention, and set out to walk the land and meditate on this energy i was preparing to release. the rain in combination with the lush tall trees evoked a powerful response. it's hard to describe, but there was something so harmonious, so right about being there in that moment. i had spent time in the weeks leading up to the solstice celebration thinking about the last year and what i no longer needed to carry within my spirit. initially i thought it seemed so clear...anger i thought, i've been angry. yet once there, cleared from all the noise of moments that made up those feelings of anger, i realize that anger is not what i've been carrying, it is merely a symptom for what i need to release. sitting on the wet earth, staring at the massive mossy trees,i breathe in the elements around me. with each exhalation i find myself closer to what i was looking for within my heart, what needed to be released as it no longer serves me.

as darkness enveloped us, the drum beats filled the air, calling everyone to the sacred stone circle. standing shoulder-to-shoulder around the fire our guide called out to the earth and our ancestors to light the fire within us. and though all of what she said deeply resonated, i cannot accurately reflect all that was spoken on that night. i remember she spoke about our lives and all we carry, even when we no longer need to. our bowl of life fills up, leaving us no room for anything new. spilling its contents we are burdened with this full bowl. it is only when we empty that bowl, can we then make room for something more purposeful in our lives. it is the path to enlightenment, peace, acceptance. we often search for answers to the questions of our hearts and minds in others. when if we could just slow down, be still, we'd find all the answers are within us and around us everyday in the earth. and that if we don't find what we need within, we will surely never find it without. and that the hardest thing in life is making it not so hard. we sang of an ancient path through a distant tunnel, filled with light though there is no sun...(as a side, even if you're not a singer, this was so moving, so connecting amongst the group). soon it was time to throw your intention into the fire, releasing it, making room for new energy. there was no "order" to this, simply go when you feel it is right.

it was fascinating how many of us carry such similar loads that impede our growth. it was bittersweet to hear what needed to be released from these newly connected strangers....the self-critic, the worthlessness, useless patterns, the fear of the future, the disappointment, dissatisfaction...
it was empowering to hear what many welcomed in...a sense of peace and purpose, gratitude, courage, an open-heart, an accepting mind.

once these intentions had burned, more words and chants were spoken and then we left the circle. we left what we no longer needed there in the fire, to have energy and burn, and then disappear in the smoke that filled the air.

now at the risk of sounding foolish, it worked. i can walk so freely with this empty bowl.

so i say to you, set your intention. be mindful. give it the energy it once deserved. release it. and dance with what shows up.

may the long time sun shine upon you
all love surround you
and the pure light within you
guide your way home.