i've got this light
i'll be around to grow
who i was before i cannot recall -- e.v.
today i am overwhelmed...i'm looking at pictures of a friend's trip through nepal and with each photo i'm amazed. it is unbelievably breathtaking. i run through the online album twice and feel a pull at my heart. thinking oh, i would like to go there, and there, sit there, see that, breathe that. i can't possibly spend my life here...if i did what kind of life would i be having? a life without seeing all there is to see, to feel. the sublime scenery, the temples, annapurna, kathmandu, mani prayer stones, the himalayas, seeing a monestary, more. more, there is so much more...india, how can i not go to india? more so much more to see in asia. then more like africa. south america, way south, and of course europe, so much more to see in europe. my mind is spinning, my heart actually aches to find a way to make this possible. how can this become possible with a little dude? part of me wants him to see and breathe it all with me. and then there is this individual in me, the woman, not the mama that wants to see it without him. not be in mama mode. i feel guilt in that. a lot. there must be a balance, a blend. some with and some without. there was no reason (of any merit) that i couldn't have found a way years ago to do this, some of this, any of this, when i was alone. different time, different choices.
and now, i am looking at my life stretching out before me...i look back and then i look forward and wonder, what's my part? the signs can all too easily sneak by us as we move too quickly through our lives, perhaps focused on the wrong things. things we believe are right, or at least our ego, our fears do.
i need to get out a map, mark it up. these late nights, long nights have me feeling...thinking, which destination is for me, for us? how do we truly reach our souls? live? exist? coexist?
4 comments:
Bgirl, Glad to get your mind spinning. It is good even though it can be confusing at first. By the way, I saw many, many, MANY parents (young and older) in my travels that had young children with them. Some were just babies while some were in their teens with every age in-between. I was impressed with adventure-ness of the parents and the maturity of the children. On my first trip to Nepal 8 years ago, I was amazed that a couple from Switzerland brought their two young boys with them (must have been in late elementary school) on their trek up to Everest Base Camp and Gokyo. At night, the father read, "The Lord of The Rings" to them and I could see their imaginative minds working. It was so cool. On this last trip, there was a family who pulled their kids out of school for a year and "home taught" them from the road. How cool is that?!?!? It will probably be the best year of "education" that they'll ever get, eh? Man oh man, I wish my parents had done something like that....
Anyway, yes, Bgirl, there are options. Follow your heart. You are doing that already so just keep following it and the road will present itself....
Namaste~
you will make it happen. you've already proven that it can work with the little dude on your trip to mexico....
btw, bgirl, i just re-read my comment and realized i wrote "parents" a lot and made it sound like it was always a plural thing which was NOT the case. there were many single parents out there, as well, so don't feel that is something that is holding people back. i personally don't know how they do it. i don't know how YOU do it. i am so impressed. you are awesome. and, yes, you will make it happen. you are already "making it" happen. :)
I agree. There's nothing more valuable than the education you get from the road. For, after all, that is real life.
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