dirt road home

have you ever met someone at a time in your life when you suddenly realize that you have no idea who the hell you are? as you hear the words fall out of your mouth, "hi, good to meet you, i'm .... " you think, shit, i am at a loss here.

several years ago my life went sideways. i realized living in the *idea* of a life, wasn't good enough anymore. years of feeling good in my skin, my heart and soul, vanished. how had i gotten there? was i lost before it started? it was time to face myself, my fear. i left the relationship that had me completely disconnected from myself. best and toughest move i've ever made. the right decisions are certainly not the easiest ones. mountains ahead of me, a house, a marriage, a false existence behind me. the sun was just up, the dust from the dirt road floating by me, norah jones was playing, ryder was babbling away from the back seat. surreal. a moment that is captured in my mind like a photograph i can pull out and look at from time to time.

and that's when my life went sideways (and all other directions).

so there i was, attempting to navigate my life in a totally unfamiliar role, a single, working mom of the little dude, a baby at the time, and just as i began to resurface, i found myself (not of my own choice) at a little neighborhood party for all the parents on my block. i was this outline of a woman, so unsteady. introducing myself, all the while thinking, who am i? how did i get here? yet, here i was, and there they were, these women who didn't care about location in life or how family is defined, instead (i discovered over time) they cared about me, and the little dude. without even knowing the *past* me, they just took me as is, on faith. that party evolved into a playgroup, a co-op, a book club, weekend coffees, late night stories over wine, running partners, road-trippers, floaty-spinning partners, a place to go when the tears won't stop, best friends......a community.

the ties of kinship found amongst women is something sacred. be they sisters, or *soul sistahs*, family or friends. there is something incredibly special about the connection women share. though I don't have biological sisters, I definitely have souls sistahs all across the map, landing in places like virginia, michigan, montana, across all of washington, and right next door. some of which i've known many years, others just a few. no matter the time, they are fundamental components of my life. they are healers, givers, talkers, listeners,movers, writers, comedians, life-teachers, makers and keepers of memories.

these women amaze and inspire me. each unique and each incredibly special to me. i don't think i would've survived my upside down, sideways life without them. and though at times, my life is still sideways, they keep me sane.

Seriously.