another rock

after reading many well-written, heartfelt, humorous and tear-producing mother's day blogs, along with watching the myriad of mother's day messaging, i didn't think i had much to offer on the topic. that may remain true, regardless, this is my place to store my thoughts as i reflect on my experiences. this mother's day i was reminded that though my life is twice as hard, it is twice as good.

i celebrate the 2 mom's in my life each year on mother's day. i'm grateful for the serenity and balance they each bring to my life. since the little dude's arrival, i added a 3rd woman to that list. his dad's mom (too strange to call her my ex-mother-in-law since she is still such a component of my family, coupled with the fact that I've known her most my life). i celebrate her for the strength and courage it took for her to let go of the outcome of her son and embrace the chance to love and help grow the little boy he's left behind. she is a thoughtful, dedicated, present, engaging grammy and the two share a strong bond, one i am incredibly thankful for.

in my house, every day is mother's day. i am raising a little boy, and i hope, growing a kind, compassionate man, on my own. though i do have a fabulous support system. and as it turns out, a very dear friend, (one of my soul-sistahs) who no matter what is happening in her world, always finds the time to let me know she's thinks about mine. this mother's day i got my first mother's day gift -- a rock. might not seem like much to some (little known fact -- i love rocks and have a bit of a rock collection) yet this rock came with a message that filled my heart with the courage to continue with perseverance and above all made me feel proud to be who i am and who i am becoming. thanks my friend -- for the rock, and for being a rock in my life. the message with the rock read:

The only thing my grandmother carried in her arms on the long ship ride to America was my father. She called him her Rock of Gibraltar. “Despite long sieges it seemed that there was nothing that could destroy the Rock or its people. This history has inspired the simile "solid as the Rock of Gibraltar", which is used to describe a person or situation that cannot be overcome and does not fail.” You are such a woman and such a mother and I give you this rock to remind you. Happy Mother’s Day my friend

upon reading this i felt a rush of emotion. for what i'm doing and not doing. i made a silent promise to be a more mindful parent. there are times i'm sad to be alone, to be doing this alone. i think about having someone to share, to learn and grow with in a relationship. though that is true, i realize that the little dude gives me the opportunity to grow as a woman. through him i'm learning what it is to experience mind-expanding love. a love that is selfless, patient and forgiving. it's the one relationship where i'm not thinking "what's in it for me". that's not to say, i don't have moments of weakness where i want to shout, " i am too damn tired! this isn't fair" if only i had _____ (insert any of the following....more time, more patience, a more 'typical' kid, more energy, more knowledge, more resources, more money, more freedom....). i find it amazing to think that the little dude can drive me to the limits of patience and sanity, yet there is nothing he can do to make me stop loving him. experiencing this kind of love can teach us so much. it can deepen our capacity to be a loving person for others. just think how powerful this lesson could be if we applied it to all our relationships. i for one, plan too.