“… joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come.when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.” - Kahlil Gibran
holding on and letting go. there are times that i mix these actions up.
i hold on to the wrong things....negative thoughts, feelings of fear, heartache.
i let go of the wrong things....hope, wishes, my strength. good things are all around me, i don't lose sight of that. my connection to the energy of the universe is strong. it's just that there are moments my life, my life as it is in this moment, can be difficult at best. i'm forever trying to strike a balance, so happy when i do.
today that balance went off-course. he doesn't know this place exists, he'll never read these words. so today, i write because, once done, i can let go and just like that (well sort of)...i can be back on course.
it wasn't too long ago that i'd landed in a balanced state. loneliness is always there, the volume just fluctuates depending......perhaps because of this, i've built a layer around myself. i'm never really sure what it keeps in and what it keeps out. just feels safe to have it.
last fall on a day like any other day, this beautiful being came into my life. hope resurfaced, loneliness faded to mute. countless signs, connections. seems no matter where i am in my life i've always been fortunate enough to see signs. sometimes magical - truly uncanny. sometimes sad, always present. the signs were abundant, so i let go of that layer and let him in.
and out of nowhere, something unexpected happened. a wish i'd let go of was now coming true. a connection was made and suddenly that dirt road doesn't seem so bad. he came with a past that mirrored mine, and a little girl to show for it. a friendship quickly turned and magic followed. a butterfly-girl melted my heart. yet as my hope and belief in the power of a new path grew, he continually struggled to divert his mind from the path he'd been on. so while his heart moved forward, with me, the butterfly and the little dude, his mind couldn't shake his experiences from the past. his fear was powerful, convincing, and over time, it proved to be stronger than me. it prevented him from letting go. so i held on. funny thing though about holding on to something so tight, you lose sight of what you're holding on to, and often, it isn't at all what you thought it to be.
abundant signs, so i let go and he left. as quickly as he'd come in, he was gone.....and so was the butterfly. losing her broke my heart, still does. losing him, broke my hope, my wish. upon our goodbye he silently placed my heart-shaped rock back on the shelf, a symbol that i had given him, he no longer felt he could keep. my wish was returned, along with my fears of never finding that connection. the dial on the loneliness channel, once again turned up. since then time has passed, and once again, (despite those feelings) i've found my balance.
today as i walked with the little dude downtown, enjoying the hum of the city on this warm day, the butterfly lands right in front of me. i'm frozen as she flutters about. i'd had a feeling this was coming. i had recently sensed his energy, my senses are usually right. there we are. it literally was one of those moments where we were in slow motion and the city around us was rapidly streaming by. happiness and heartache simultaneously took over. hello. how are you? blah blah blah.......who the hell knows what i said....what was there to say? the slow motion sped up, and we were pulled back into the pace of the city. and then goodbye.
as i type this i can see my rock. i feel that familiar ache in my heart. but i am okay, i'll be better....you see, my wish remains.
i hold on to the wrong things....negative thoughts, feelings of fear, heartache.
i let go of the wrong things....hope, wishes, my strength. good things are all around me, i don't lose sight of that. my connection to the energy of the universe is strong. it's just that there are moments my life, my life as it is in this moment, can be difficult at best. i'm forever trying to strike a balance, so happy when i do.
today that balance went off-course. he doesn't know this place exists, he'll never read these words. so today, i write because, once done, i can let go and just like that (well sort of)...i can be back on course.
it wasn't too long ago that i'd landed in a balanced state. loneliness is always there, the volume just fluctuates depending......perhaps because of this, i've built a layer around myself. i'm never really sure what it keeps in and what it keeps out. just feels safe to have it.
last fall on a day like any other day, this beautiful being came into my life. hope resurfaced, loneliness faded to mute. countless signs, connections. seems no matter where i am in my life i've always been fortunate enough to see signs. sometimes magical - truly uncanny. sometimes sad, always present. the signs were abundant, so i let go of that layer and let him in.
and out of nowhere, something unexpected happened. a wish i'd let go of was now coming true. a connection was made and suddenly that dirt road doesn't seem so bad. he came with a past that mirrored mine, and a little girl to show for it. a friendship quickly turned and magic followed. a butterfly-girl melted my heart. yet as my hope and belief in the power of a new path grew, he continually struggled to divert his mind from the path he'd been on. so while his heart moved forward, with me, the butterfly and the little dude, his mind couldn't shake his experiences from the past. his fear was powerful, convincing, and over time, it proved to be stronger than me. it prevented him from letting go. so i held on. funny thing though about holding on to something so tight, you lose sight of what you're holding on to, and often, it isn't at all what you thought it to be.
abundant signs, so i let go and he left. as quickly as he'd come in, he was gone.....and so was the butterfly. losing her broke my heart, still does. losing him, broke my hope, my wish. upon our goodbye he silently placed my heart-shaped rock back on the shelf, a symbol that i had given him, he no longer felt he could keep. my wish was returned, along with my fears of never finding that connection. the dial on the loneliness channel, once again turned up. since then time has passed, and once again, (despite those feelings) i've found my balance.
today as i walked with the little dude downtown, enjoying the hum of the city on this warm day, the butterfly lands right in front of me. i'm frozen as she flutters about. i'd had a feeling this was coming. i had recently sensed his energy, my senses are usually right. there we are. it literally was one of those moments where we were in slow motion and the city around us was rapidly streaming by. happiness and heartache simultaneously took over. hello. how are you? blah blah blah.......who the hell knows what i said....what was there to say? the slow motion sped up, and we were pulled back into the pace of the city. and then goodbye.
as i type this i can see my rock. i feel that familiar ache in my heart. but i am okay, i'll be better....you see, my wish remains.
3 comments:
Oh my goodness. I guess we live in too small a city to expect that this wouldn't have happened, but it is still so shocking. I'm wondering how Ryder handled the interaction and whether this is bringing back his grief over losing his butterfly friend. Hold on to that wish, dear friend. Hold on.
as it happened, ryder had just let go of my hand for that of his cousin's who was a few steps in front of me...so he never saw them and i didn't say a thing.
i could really feel the intesity of the moment of your meeting and all those mixed emotions that this interchange brings for you...i am still in awe by the magic of these signs you speak of that continually surround you..an old soul you are :)
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